3/20/13 – Lexington, KY at Al’s Sidecar w/ Mayonnaise, Blood Pheasant

dear diary,

a lot has happened since we last spoke. most of our gear is broken in some way and we’re all more broke than ever. i am contemplating pulling a poser move and creating an INDIEGOGO for this band. but then again, maybe it is not a poser move as BRAIN TUMORS has always been a poser band of sorts – except for joel’s record collection. but what the fuck, making an INDIEGOGO can’t hurt us anymore than dan shithead johnson wearing a Comeback Kid shirt at our shows.

i went to one day of Chaos in Tejas. that proved to me that being a poser in the punk scene in 2013 maybe is a good thing.  and iTunes just put shuffled DISFEAR on, which is certainly a sign from the punk gods to do some real lame shit.

i interviewed marilyn manson, as stated before. the interview can be read here.

brain tumors also has something like nine new songs. here is an extremely rough demo of two of them.

we have also nailed down some tour dates for our trek out to TOTAL FEST in Missoula, MT in August.

8/11 – Minneapolis, MN w/ Stoic Violence at The R@th0L3
8/12 – Omaha, NE w/ Stoic Violence, Pisswalker (?) at West Wing(?)
8/13 – Cheyenne, WY w/ possibly Negative Degree and whatever the fuck is in Wyoming, (probably some buffalo)
8/14 – Denver, CO w/ Stoic Violence, Negative Degree, Perspective, No Crosses at ??Mouth?House??
8/15 – Total Fest
8/16 – Total Fest
8/17 – Signing autographs for TAD at Total Fest after we play
8/18 – Billings, MT at some random dumpster (help us if you can)
8/19 – Rapid City, SD at somewhere we will get beaten up
8/20 – Sioux Falls, SD at somewhere we will get beaten up
8/21 – Minneapolis, MN w/ Fang, Verbal Abuse, Total Trash, Much Worse at The Hexagon

The Rapid City date may change to 8/20 for the thousands of you from gigantic Rapid City metro area that may be reading this blog.

in other news, Naked Dad and the Energy Boys has started officially. predictably, it is me on vocals and pat on guitar. but in a cunning twist, antoine from Wild Child plays drums and Dustin from Total Trash plays bass. we will be playing our first show with pals from Denton, TX – SIN MOTIVO on August 2nd. now, on to Lexington, KY.


we woke up full from John from Cincinnati’s feast. i sat on the couch and read Deadpool comics, which i found out Brian Posehn wrote a few of. i also examined the note that Daisy from Foxy Shazam gave me. i did give the note to that band in Birmingham, Alabama, but im pretty sure those dudes will not regard me well ever.

anyway, everyone woke up and we ventured out and Rory and I ended up at a coffee shop/bar called Sitwell which was pretty fucking excellent. the owner showed up and she told us a story about seeing the Butthole Surfers play at a laundrymat/bar that used to exist in Cincinnati. one of the rare cool coffeeshop/restaurant owners out there.

we also saw a kid laying in a computer chair that was rigged up on a bicycle, being dragged by a bicycle. we dubbed him “the king of Cincinnati”.

we went to pick up some shirts that Alex from White Walls was making for us at his print studio, Southpaw, (and did a fucking excellent job), then we went back to the house and watched an absolutely hysterical Smashing Pumpkins VHS. it made me hate them more and less at the same time.

on the same subject, my friend recently told me a story of her friend waiting in line to meet the Smashing Pumpkins at a signing somewhere. before he got to Billy Corgan, one of the members heard he was hungry and gave him a ham sandwich they had. when he got to Billy Corgan, he asked him if he could rub his bald head. Billy agreed and the wreck of nerves of a man tried to rub his head while still holding a ham sandwich. so the dude smeared a ham sandwich on Billy Corgan’s head.

he ended the signing immediately after that.

White Walls members have a new band, by the way. they are called CRUSHED VELVET. the music is almost as good as the name. almost.

we left Cincinnati and stopped at various bullshit gas stations, one of which featured two living turd 13 year olds who asked me to buy them some chewing tobacco. i gave them the non-poser answer and told them that they should be trying to score real drugs after lying to them about how my friend had his lower jaw removed after chewing tobacco. they were ejected from the premises shortly after that, but not before some asshole in a sleeveless Monster Energy shirt gave them a tin of chew.

WHY THE FUCK DIDNT I TELL THEM I WOULD DO IT AND THEN JUST STEAL THEIR MONEY? i was so mad at myself when i realized this was an option.

we got to Lexington, Kentucky – the home of George Clooney and went immediately to Al’s Sidecar. let me get this out of the way just so i don’t spend paragraphs gushing about this place: Al’s Bar and the attached venue (called Al’s Sidecar) fucking rules. they have tequila and all of the food is locally sourced. and all of the food fucking rules. and they gave us half off of food. holy fuck, man.

we sat and ate and drank and watched as the main stage room of Al’s bar became inhabited by stand up comedians making small talk with each other. i guess they had set up a poorly promoted show in the main area. we played skeeball and charged our phones in the back and watched a few comics, although the only thing i could remember was a dude bombing super had and someone yelling, “YOU’RE KILLING IT,” at him.

“yeah, I’m killing it – I’m killing myself when I get home,” he drearily fired back. it was good.

i also got into some irritating conversation with a dude who served at a local steak restaurant who babbled about steak for a while. he eventually became the most annoying dude in the room and had about 20 people at the comedy show screaming at him to shut up. he went outside to sulk and smoke.

they opened up Al’s Sidecar next door, which is what a bar would look like if i opened one up when i was in 7th grade. the place seriously looks like some goofball hideout for potheads and canned beer drinkers – which is exactly what it is. ear-piercingly loud black metal and minor threat, and probably some black light posters. the area in the back was a barren and empty concrete space where all the bands played.

really fucking cool except for all the goddamn shitty black metal being played. eventually i commandeered the “DJ Booth” and played a bunch of Nihilistics and Die Kreuzen. some dude even came over to me assuming i was in the band from Minneapolis simply because i was playing Die Kreuzen.

i wish i could remember everyone’s fucking names in Lexington because there were a lot of cool people. there were the ______ brothers. one of them is Joe. or maybe he’s not one of the brothers. but i remember Joe’s name. fuck. i dont know. god damn me and my name problem.

i took a break from writing this and now ive consumed a BOB MARLEY MELLOW MOOD beverage, which is some shit that makes you feel all smooth and dumb. i want to take this opportunity to say “fuck bob marley” and for that matter, “fuck john lennon”. fuck them.

Blood Pheasant played first. i wrote down “good drum and bass stoner rock. girls texted during their set”.

then we played i guess. i’m sure it wasn’t very good, although Rory backed us up and said it was. im sure someone tried to text during our set and i yelled at them. after, we met a woman from Japan who saw our set and bought a record, so that’s a tip of the hat in the right direction. i watched Joel speak some broken Japanese to her. hopefully it was as embarrassing to him as finding out that my father watches Glee.

speaking of that shit, remember how my girlfriend was watching Desperate Housewives? well she finished that bullshit. and now she is watching Glee, a TV show where overpaid pieces of shit “sing” songs written by other overpaid pieces of shit. although this dude is doing some hackneyed “whoa-oh-oh-yeah-eee-yeah” over a Melissa Etheridge song. and fuck this guy too.

the last band that played was a sludgy hardcore band called Mayonnaise, who i desperately hoped did the same move as Lotion from Davis, CA and covered themselves with the product of the same name. but they did not. but the singer was shirtless and the microphone was dead through most of their set. but they were excellent. if someone has a link for em, post it up, shithead.

we left Al’s after trying to spend even more money with them even as they were closing. i dont know exactly for what reason, but we decided to drive in the direction of St. Louis. we got suckered in to driving way too fucking far for way too fucking long because of some trucking convention.

using my phone, i located some motels and started calling around. i found this one which was significantly cheaper and with open rooms and when i asked a woman who answered the phone at one of the full motels was told that she would not personally trust the place. so in the true Brain Tumors style, we went for it. it was about 6am.

there were tons of semi trucks scattered everywhere. the motel looked like some shit out of Twin Peaks and it was completely dark although if you peered to the right, you could see there was some sort of abandoned diner inside. there was also a handwritten sign on the door telling potential customers to call a number for a room. so i did and some older lady stumbled downstairs in her pajamas and gave us a room. another dude led us to the room and let us know that the door key didnt work and we’d get locked out. if we did get locked out, we’d have to call the lady to let us back in again.

i laid down in one of the two beds next to joel with motown music playing in my head and my ears ringing from shitty black metal. you could hear the sound of 20 semi trucks revving their engines in the distance.

oh, and i guess we fucking ate at waffle house at some point.

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