again, apologies for being crazy/weird/stupid/inattentive. shit’s been crazy weird stupid. i actually don’t have a lot to say about this day although it was a much needed day for my throat and for us as a band, but i have some other shit to go over.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FBTN0xEA05w
Something I Learned Today:
i havent learned a fucking thing today, but we did learn something a few weeks ago. this band from England called Gallows came through. i’m guessing they’re one of those hot shit bands overseas but over here people don’t care, kind of like Manowar (note: that song is also on online Touchtunes jukeboxes at clubs). but they scheduled a stop and our drummer, Dan, suggested we play the show. i’m not sure why, but i think Dan used to like them, or he was just excited he had heard of them. but i Emailed this dude at First Avenue and let him know we were interested.
the show ended up being at 7th Street Entry, a part of First Avenue that is pretty well known for the amount of awesome punk shows that used to happen there. for some reason, there are never punk shows at 7th st anymore, despite it being a great space.
well as we found out by simply being us (drinking tequila, smashing a guitar, throwing a few cans of beer around, maybe knocking a few stools over) that the reason that 7th St Entry does not do punk shows is that they do not “get” punk or something. they were really pissed at us. and they probably had a reason to be, but not any greater of a reason than anyone else. makes me wonder if they didn’t bother investigating who we were, or thought we’d just put our hands in our pockets and bob our heads, or what. instead, i hear shit for the next week about how we got kicked out, or arrested, are permanently banned, broke their monitors, about how evidently i used my Twitter account (huh?) and bragged about assaulting First Avenue employees
….
yeah fuckin, whatever. we had fun – mainly as the singer of Gallows was cool as fuck. dude is also in Alexisonfire (not punk enuff 4 me) and Black Lungs, who are on Deranged Records.
we played at Grumpy’s two days later and a bunch of glasses broke and someone put a body-sized hole in the wall like a Bugs Bunny cartoon and our punishment was more beer, burgers, and good service. but, should’ve figured that – if you’re unfamiliar with Grumpy’s, it’s a bar run/owned/whatevered by Tom Hazelmyer from Amphetamine Reptile Records, a label that i hold responsible for at least 10% of all good music made past 1990. dude also was in Halo of Flies and TODLACHEN, a band you can hear whats-his-fucking-face from Sebadoh yell about when he’s in a good mood, playing a dive bar in Minneapolis. Todlachen’s recordings are on the Kitten tape from Reflex Records along with Willful Neglect, Ground Zero, and other good shit. add to that, Tom gave Condominium a month long residency on Saturday nights over at Grumpy’s.
anyway
to continue where we left off, we woke up in Portland and stayed in Portland for the day, our Salem, OR show being cancelled. my thought was, “who the fuck cares, who lives in Salem that wouldn’t just be in Portland,” but recently my pal Jimmy (False/In Defence/Terrordactyls/Probably five other bands) played a show out there and said it was great.
so Dan (oddly an early riser) and i did what we do sometimes – went out and wandered around. our aim was to get to a guitar store and buy cables and other bullshit that we left in Bozeman. we walked in the wrong direction for a while as i complained about my sore throat and worried about getting a sunburn. i also learned another interesting thing about Dan – he does not get sunburnt.
Dan also told me once how he made fun of some kid in grade school so bad that he ended up in a psych ward. lot of interesting things about this guy.
we got some sunscreen and got some tea. we found two guys roasting green chilies and after talking the dude, he explained to us about how Hatch green chilies are a New Mexico specialty. we talked a bit more and mentioned we were from Minneapolis.
“oh, Minneapolis. I’ve been there. I played a show at First Avenue once, that place with Prince, right?”
“right. what was your band?”
“uhh, I was in this band called The Shins.”
which is fucking embarrassing, but it looks like the dude probably got kicked out and now just cooks green chilies in Portland. so he came out pretty good in the end. after a little more conversation, i realized the show he was referring to was a show that I was at. a good friend of mine was friends with this hackneyed bullshit faux-americana-hipster garbage Yo-La-Tengo crap called Calexico. pretty sure I heard one of their songs on “Breaking Bad” (“Breaking Dad”, as Dan would call it).
i left as The Shins started because it sucked. Calexico sucked as well, but it was a free sucking. a year or so later, my friend would ruin her friendship with Calexico and get kicked off their bus for making fun of someone’s girlfriend.
the chilies were good and the dude at the Caveman food truck even freaked out when he saw me holding them so i gave him the rest. i drank more beef tendon broth and ate more olives with dates, wrapped in bacon.
we stopped at the music gear store, bought some cheap drum sticks and some other shit. kept walking (while i spit on and kicked Gotye posters) and stopped to get more tea. there was some crusty looking punk guy sitting out front and when he heard Dan’s bag of sticks, he asked to see them. then he started bouncing them on the ground and catching them over and over.
“yeah man, i’m a drummer. i’m in a bunch of punk bands,” then he rattled off a bunch of shit with names like Warthrone Deathfuck or something. he did say he drummed for Citizen Fish (Subhumans dude’s other band) for a tour or two.
“yeah, we’re in a punk band, too. it’s called, “Brain Tumors”.
“oh yeah? where’d you play?”
“we played at The Know with Organized Sports and Bi-Marks.”
“oh. never heard of them. you guys should’ve played with some punk bands.”
we left the dude when we suspected he was buying heroin from a pimp-looking dude who went by “Snoop” and headed back to Sam’s. we watched some of Eddie Murphy’s legendary stand-up, which is pretty homophobic for a dude who picks up transvestite prostitutes, then went to some vintage store where we found a Lotus Fucker shirt. i spent most of the time looking for a place to take a shit before settling on ruining Subway’s bathroom, but the jerk store manager tried stopping me with conviction and making me buy something. so i ended up giving Subway money for a water, which was a despicable act, fueling my hatred for the “sandwich” chain.
then we went to Sizzle Pie, a pizza place that has Hawkwind, Karp, Don Caballero, and other ALT-PUNK-GOTH titled menu items. it was good. then we went to a barcade called Ground Control where we played a shitload of pinball while one of those fucking kids with white gauges and short hair played all sorts of “deathcore”, which is music for 14 year old girls who don’t know or care about death metal. i also armwrestled Sam there and won, proving i am the superior punk frontman.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xj8TtRsQpqs
the rest of the evening consisted of Joel and i going to watch The Funeral and the Twilight at some rockabilly bar where they tore the crowd apart and sold $200 of merch to total strangers. sounds like them.
i slept on a tiny couch before searching the neighborhood for this gal’s lost dog, named Uncle Butch. she was staying in Sam’s backyard.
notice the signature of Will Wheaton who played “punk bitch” Wesley Crusher on TNG.
i will end this by saying that next post, i will be trying to solicit money from people reading this blog. i should be trying to solicit money from people to help fix our van, pay for our practice space, and maybe help buy Pat a new guitar. but instead i am using it to fund a scheme i have where i pay to interview the author of one of the worst songs ever written. the interview will be a half an hour long.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B-DpRcxK_N8
no it is not this song